


Hallelujah

by Stormchild



Category: Young Justice
Genre: Character Death, F/M, M/M, Overdosing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormchild/pseuds/Stormchild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Roy dies, Kaldur has to keep it together because no-one else can. Even though it tears him apart inside.</p><p>Inspired by Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen and too many episodes of Criminal Minds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hallelujah

**Author's Note:**

> Note1: I did my best trying to describe Navajo burial traditions but I am no expert. 
> 
> Note2: I imagine Atlantean Pagan would be Green Pagan with an emphasis on Poseidon, so the afterlife beliefs would be the same as the Greeks’.

_"Listen to this, listen to this!" Roy exclaimed. "Isn't this the best song you've ever heard?"_

_Kaldur laughed and listened. He never cared much for music. Roy knew that, but Roy loved music. His CD collection covered two entire bookshelves. He'd lent Kaldur albums that the Atlantean only ever listened to because they meant a lot to Roy._

_"It is quite good," he smiled._

_Not to his taste, though. Roy's taste in music was loud and rough. Occasionally Kaldur liked it, but very occasionally._

_"Listen to those chords, though! Ugh, I fucking love this band."_

_Roy had the brightest smile on his face. Kaldur watched him, smiling. Roy was usually so stern. But not now. He sang along with the music from the stereo, fingers forming the chords on the back of his opposite arm as if he was playing guitar. It was nice to see him relaxed._

Kaldur wonders if maybe he could have stopped this. Maybe he could have saved him. If he hadn't disappeared, if he hadn't betrayed Roy, maybe Roy never would have relapsed. And maybe he wouldn't have overdosed.

He stands at the back of the room. He can't bring himself to approach the casket yet. He isn't ready to admit that the man he loves is gone. That he wasn't there when he left. When he overdosed on the bathroom floor. He wasn't even the one to find him. He can't imagine what it must have been like for Dinah. To find her adopted son. They tell him she hasn't spoken since. He doesn't blame her. Right now, he doesn't want to speak either.

There's dull chatter in the background. It all sounds muffled. Faint condolences. He feels someone's hand on his arm. He nods, says thank you, gives a faint smile he doesn't feel. They pat his shoulder and move on. He doesn't even register who it is.

_Roy was naked. Tanned skin glistened with sweat. A strong hand rubbed down Kaldur's arm._

_"How was that?" He asked._

_"That was wonderful," Kaldur smiled, eyes closed and head resting on Roy's chest._

_Their fingers were laced loosely together. Roy was mindful of the webbing between Kaldur's fingers. The thin folds of skin still tingled from the attention Roy's mouth had laved on them._

_Kaldur leaned up to press a chaste kiss to Roy's lips. Roy smiled. There was light coming in from between the curtains. Red hair glittered like scarlet gold. A hand came up to trail through the thick locks._  

_"I love you, my friend."_

_"I love you too."_

Kaldur sees Jim Harper in a back corner. He feels a shock of pain at the realization that Jim lost his nephew. It hurts so much more when he realizes that the smaller figure he's cradling against his broad chest is Dinah. They're clinging to each other. Jim meets his eyes. There's agony in them. Agony that he coudn't save his nephew. His brother's son. His only family besides Arsenal.

And that agony reminds him of the look Roy had in his face the first time they talked about the fact that he wasn't the original Roy. The look he had every time he cried about how he hadn't found his source yet.

It breaks Kaldur's heart. But not as much as when he looks around and sees Ollie, drunk and leaning against Clark for support. He isn't sure why Clark is here. He doesn't think he and Roy ever talked much. But he remembers that Jim lives in Metropolis and maybe he's here for Jim even though it appears that Ollie is the one he's comforting.

_Meeting Roy, Kaldur thought, was one of the best things that ever happened to him. He loved the company. The way they spent time together made Kaldur smile, even when they weren't doing anything._

_Roy was talking. He wasn't sure what he was talking about, but he didn't think Roy knows either. They were drunk - only slightly - and lying on the floor of the apartment Ollie had bought for him. Apparently Jim thought it was important for Roy to have a safe place to go when he and Ollie fought - which was pretty common - and Ollie obviously agreed._

_"What? Roy, what're you talking about?"_

_Roy went quiet for a few seconds before laughing._

_"I got know idea. I just- I just don't want it to be quiet. Y'know?"_

_"I know."_

_Kaldur had noticed that Roy's room at home and his apartment were never quiet. He didn't realize that he asks why until Roy starts talking again._

_"When my dad... and my foster dad died... I wasn't around, y'know. I was home when my dad died. And I was already livin' with Ollie when Brave Bow died. I think I felt it, though. It was just so quiet."_

_Roy paused and took a drink._

_"It's dumb. But sometimes I think... if it's quiet, someone else I love's gonna' die. 'f it's never quiet, no-one dies."_

There's dull chatter around him. Thin condolences he barely hears. Someone rests a hand on his arm. He nods, thanks them, and smiles. They pat his shoulder and move on. It doesn't register into his mind who it is. A Leaguer, he thinks. But he doesn't look up long enough to know for sure. The only people here are capes or retired capes - plus Jade and Paula. They're Roy's family, too. Roy was Jade's wife and the son Paula never had.

Everyone here, he thinks, has lost so much in losing Roy. 

"He's at peace now," Jade says, cradling her sleeping baby - their sleeping baby - against her chest. "He's been in pain for a long time. I can only imagine how long he's been wanting to sleep like this for."

She doesn't look at him, only at Lian. He knows she's hurting. And he knows it'll hurt more when Lian wakes up and starts crying for her daddy. He's heard the way she cried for Jade when Jade was away too long. He could only imagine what it would be like when the one she cried for never came home.

"He loved you. Even when you left. I thought it was easier for him with you and Arsenal back. But this wasn't your fault."

He thanks her, and takes a long look at Lian. Even sleeping, she looks like Roy. Jade turns to join her mother, who's holding Artemis's hand and trying not to cry.

_"Kaldur? Oh, thank God you came."_

_"Of course I did. Are you all right, my love?"_

_Roy was pacing, wringing his hands together. His eyes were locked on the  carpet._

_"I fucked up. I been fucking up."_

_Kaldur sat on the couch, making sure to appear inviting. He smiled sympathetically, opening up his arms to him._

_"Come here, Roy. Come sit with me and tell me what is going on so that I can help you."_

_Roy ran a hand through his hair a few times before settling down next to Kaldur. He leaned against Kaldur, letting his eyes slip shut. One arm wrapped around his shoulders while the other hand stroked through his hair._

_"Promise you won't hate me. You have to promise you won't be mad at me."_

_"I promise. You can tell me."_

_There was a moment in which the only sound was the radio in the other room._

_"I've been using. H-Heroin. About- about once a week."_

_Kaldur closed his eyes for a second. While he hadn't had much experience with the drug, he was familiar with it's effects. And he understood why Roy would want an escape. He kissed the top of Roy's head._

_"It's all right, love. We have gotten through everything else in the world. We will get through this as well, I promise."_

_It wasn't long before the embrace turned into kisses and the kisses turned into something more. They moved to the bedroom and Kaldur fucked Roy until he cried, while Roy clung to him and kissed every bit of skin he could reach._

Looking around, Kaldur's eyes fall on Arsenal. The boy is standing as far from his clone - his brother - as possible. His back is to the casket. From Kaldur's position, he can see a blank expression masking pain. He recognizes it. It's the same expression Roy put on when he tore something but wouldn't admit it before finishing a mission.

Their faces are so similar it hurts. But he still finds himself walking towards Arsenal. No-one else is quite near him. Everyone is leaving him alone. He's sure Arsenal told them to. But if Arsenal is anything like Roy - and he is so much like Roy - then he doesn't really want to be alone, he only doesn't know how to ask for the comfort he needs.

"How are you?" Kaldur asks softly.

"My brother's dead," Arsenal chokes out.

"I... I know. I am so sorry."

Arsenal sniffles, and Kaldur rests a gentle hand on his shoulder. The redhead looks up. He isn't crying now, but Kaldur can see that he was.

"You loved him too, didn't you?"

"I did. I loved him very much."

"Everyone's looking at him. He's gonna' be stuck."

It takes Kaldur a moment to realize that Arsenal is talking about Roy's soul. He'd slipped a gold Atlantean coin into Roy's hand in the brief moment he'd managed to stomach next to him before the fact that Roy was dead could sink in. A silly myth by surface standards, but Kaldur didn't see a point taking a risk. Anything to help his lover cross over to a better place.

"Is there anything I can do to help him?"

"They're gonna' cremate him. Mom and dad said they'd let me bury his ashes alone. They shoulda' done it soon as they found him."

Arsenal's fingers are wrapped around a pendant. Medicine wheel with a feather dangling from in, a red coral stone in the feather. The same one is laying on Roy's chest. Kaldur was with him when Roy bought them. A reminder of where they came from.

"Are they not respecting his wishes?" Kaldur almost whispers. 

All he'd known was that Roy had wanted to be cremated. This isn't something they often talked about.

"He's an organ donor," Arsenal mumbles. "They couldn't do it right away. But they embalmed him, they're not supposed to- I don't want him to get stuck."

Kaldur nods. He doesn't want that either.

"They're not supposed to look at him. No-one's supposed to be showing emotion, or he could get confused and stay."

Arsenal shoots an angry glare over at Dick, sobbing into Bruce's chest. There is no attempt to hide his pain, his grief. Two friends in one year. How could anyone cope with this? 

_"What are you doing here, Kal?"_

_Roy was holding Lian on his hip. She was making frustrated sounds, whining and grabbing at his shirt._

_"I... I wanted to see how you were doing. Can I come in...?"_

_Roy shrugged and moved aside to let Kaldur in._

_"Daddy! Daddyyyyyyyyy!"_

_"What do you want, baby? You have to tell me what you want."_

_He bounced her on his hip, cuddling her a little. It was sweet, and adorable. Kaldur knew he was likely going to be thrown out soon, but he took a moment to appreciate how cute they were together. It was clear Roy loved her._

_Lian's only response was to shriek in frustration. They were making the same annoyed face at each other. It almost made Kaldur laugh._

_"May I? I am quite good with children."_

_Roy hesitated, looking Kaldur over. There were dark bags under his eyes, a clear sign that Lian had been acting this way for a few days. He sighed and shifted her into Kaldur's arms._

_"Hello, little one."_

_Lian stared up at Kaldur with a confused expression. She had never seen him before. She looked back at Roy, who gave a small nod, and looked back up at Kaldur. Daddy said he was okay, so he was okay._

_"Would you like to see a trick, Lian?"_

_She babbled, and Kaldur didn't have to ask Roy for the glass of water. Kaldur took it, holding Lian with one arm. Roy wasn't far. He pulled the water up into shapes in a way that had Lian squealing and clapping. She reached for the water, but Kaldur held her firmly. He looked up for a second and saw a bright smile he hadn't seen on Roy's face in a good six years. He always did love Kaldur's water tricks._

_Looking at that smile, Kaldur finally felt at home again. In that moment, that smile was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. And he thought, he would remember this smile for the rest of his life._

_Of course, he had no idea that he would have to cling to a memory. He wasn't supposed to outlive Roy. How would he ever live without Roy again?_

Arsenal tentatively wraps his arms around Kaldur. Kaldur holds him tightly, tucking Arsenal's head under his chin the same way he used to hold Roy.

"What're we going to do without him?"

Arsenal's voice cracks. Their emotions are both starting to show through. But Arsenal can't do that to Roy, and Kaldur just can't do that.

"I promised Roy I would take care of you, and I will. We will get through this, together."

Arsenal sniffed and nodded.

" _Ta-bilh_. It's Navajo for 'together'. Red made me promised I wouldn't forget it."

"You won't. And we won't forget him, either."

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me at mechanicalpoet.tumblr.com.


End file.
